April 15, 2008@1:10 pm

1CMNTS

I back from Mexico! With the darkest tan I have EVER had. Like whoa that me! haha. Anyways it was enjoyable 2 weeks of quads with its doses of problems from all kinds stuff!

Disneyland was a blast yet again. I rode the tower terror and screamin california which I had never ridden.

And the games are back up again I so happy! I hope he plays haha.

OH! I even had a flat tire on a part town that bad AND I just happened be in front of a place that getting ROBBED right then. Ha cops ev where and a guy getting tazers. It was crazy.

I wish I had time to write but like always I seem to be busy and have no time for much nothing anymore…sometimes it nice to not be and remember times I actually had time to enjoy haha.

March 7, 2008@5:27 pm

0CMNTS

I thought things were going okay. I not sure…everything seems to just be falling apart. Maybe blogging help me cope with all of it. I usually try give least nice entries or happy or just things. Yet I feel so sad that I…I don’t really know where to go with this. I know no one reads it..yet for me maybe it help me.

The last week or so all I seem to do it cry. Wow I so effected I about to cry right now. I not sure how all happened it just…I not exactly sure I just counting the days ’til the games at the park start so I can see “him” and hang with my best friend and just forget it all.

My mother has lost trust in me. I always been a “good” kid. I never went out, got trouble, did drugs, did anything actually. I just in high school and going school and coming home. Not really much anything. Now that I am working and in..college (eh was since I dropped out) I gotten closer with some my friends. It like a time my life that I am finding me. I just want it be I not sure..my life before I decide where I am going.

Work. I seem to not go that often since I just I not even sure. Today we had a meeting and I given some task to take off the other workers hands. I am actually excited about them. With a list things to do I feel I keep busy and what I was given I like doing. I really do love my job. I decided I not sure what to do. I hope I can stay that field maybe here I not sure. It only part time but maybe when I save up enough I can go back school to further that career. For now I like just focus on putting hours on there and not about where I am going yet.

Home. I been staying at my mother’s lot more now. I know I am almost 20 I should probably be moving out..something I wish so much for, yet I can’t afford or have anywhere of going. I don’t go my father’s like I use to. It not that I don’t like it..but I feel so trapped. That I am being watched…everyday is the same cycle. I can’t keep that it drives me crazy I start to want get away. Here at my mom’s it just mostly me here. Which is nice. I feel so relaxed. Yet come this past Saturday it all started going bad. She suspects I am having sex. Yes I am 20 and yeah that my choice…which by the way I haven’t done. Yet she keeps pushing at it I am. I don’t have anyone…yeah I like that guy but I don’t see him there nothing yet. Now that she assumes that everything else I lost trust in. Last night was a big fight about me “switching” her phone with mine. It same phone yet she throws a fit that I scratched mine and switched hers cause it wasn’t. I would never do that. I never done anything like that. I don’t understand. It makes me upset she for one thing that NEVER happened she labeled me a whore liar and theft. Now I have a curfew of 11 o’clock. I don’t even go out…all I do go to work and sometimes pick up my best friend go little drive ’til 11:30ish and come home. I don’t consider myself bad. Yet now I feel that I am. That now I just bad daughter to her. She rides me about everything. I scared to even talk that she find something pick at. I feel lost at what to do and where to go.

Friends. Oh I so thankful for my best friend. She knows how much she means to me and I feel bad that I throw so much on her. Other day I just couldn’t handle it and cried and she there to hug me and let me cry. It like most comforting thing I ever had. I never had anyone share things with like I do he. To be that close to actually let someone see me cry. I don’t know how I get through any of this without her. I hope she knows she world to me that I always be there for her also. You think you can go through life without needing anyone…but a best friend like that I just wouldn’t take it back for anything.

Boy. I still crazy over this guy I had met at the softball games at the park. Thinking about him makes me smile. His smile of course is the cutest smile ever. That you can’t help but smile back. In a way it because him that everything gone bad lmao. That I think him constantly and uh its all so complicated. But that since at the games before it was all just watching him play on the team and only finding out the last day that he liked me. So I been waiting for the days to hurry for the spring games to start. That maybe something will happen. In a way I feel stupid that how could anything happen. But I just hope does. I never felt this way for a guy and the way that this waiting game going and how things really silly play out…it like its going be something special. Yet I don’t want make seem all “aww it be so perfect” cause it probably won’t. I hope does…but I scared have my heart broken for being naive. So I hope for best yet keep in mind that things could be different than they seem. So don’t ask where that is going.

So boo for 2008 since as of even New Years night nothing has been that great. I just trying to stay strong and trying to put my life together so that it get better. And be thankful for my friend have in my life to be there for me. Maybe the nice vacation to Mexico help me clear my head. I thinking bring a journal to write in. I don’t know but writing it down is just a huge release for me and helps. So yeah all the times say I write and not…I think I change and start to write since it does help.

Hopefully my next blog it better! Maybe I have some nice vacation stories and pictures.

February 29, 2008@11:34 am

0CMNTS

I been missing my site! And I been neglecting it like forev! I guess turning 20 I have just i dunno if I grown out of the internet or I just not made the time for it. I have dropped school so basically I pretty lazy. I dunno I been in school SUCH a long time it like a nice break. I am unsure where I am going in life. In way I am thinking about staying where I am at since the pay is good and I already in. Yet…would I like to continue classes to maybe get a degree? I am undecided and I guess you can always go back to school…I just enjoying life at the moment while I still can.

UH! I had JURY DUTY this week. I was so confused with all the people and where to go…yeah I embarrassed myself. Oh and surprise surprise i was picked as an alternate. My job since I work at the PD was surprised I got picked but whatev. It was a 2 day’er! It I was bored out of my mind! Luckily I got to leave cause all the jurors where there. Then I had to RUN over to my harassment training we had for work. I like great 3 hours being bored to death. But they got a new guy this year and he was FUNNY like I so enjoying it. Think everyone else did too. I love how he crack jokes at the cops and the firemen, they laughing it up too.

And VACATION is coming in 2 WEEKS! Going to …….BAJA, MEXICO. We gonna ride quads and hang just have fun. After that is …..staring April 7th PLAZAAAAAA!! Omg I so excited i love hanging out there and “adam” is there hehe. I can’t wait see him again….

Another then all of that I dunno I just trying to enjoy life for awhile before I have to grow up too much..

January 4, 2008@2:35 pm

0CMNTS

Oh my goodness! My new awesome cherry blossoms razor phone I have had 2 MONTHS suddenly broke! sjkdfhjshdf!!! I woke up and it was rapidly taking photos and wouldn’t stop. So I destroyed it and am using my mama’s old phone again. It ain’t bad, but I dropped it like 5 times in one day and a chuck flew off of it. Okay how can I have one phone for 3 years and nada happens. And NOW I just basically suck. I shouldn’t have babies I’ll just drop em.

Oh Christmas was good. We had a little get together at my aunt’s and her new husbands. Omg he has changed my aunt so much. She never wanted to associate with us or anything. And now she is and they even got me Christmas presents. I SO surprised. Its kinda nice that my mom has a relationship with her sister. Hopefully she is really changing and not just a show for her new husband.

I am going to MEXICO!! in March! We going to Baja to a ranch to ride quads and whatev. Oh shall be fun. I am excited. I only road quads once…and that was with my mother who drove it into an orange tree. She tard she couldn’t find the brake…and we were going like I swear 10mph if even! So this shall be fun cause I drive my own.

Now I am restricted from driving..booo! My dad threw fit that I drive too much. Apparently it averages to 50mph a day…well I pay the gas so whatev. But uh now I loser and can’t do nada! So I have have my friends pick me up or I go their house and they take me. Gosh now have pay for their gas. Lmao. My dad rather me drive I think…but he don’t gotta know what I do. I feel like I still a kid since I am what 20 in June…and still I now allowed out after dark. Yeah I know…this what happens when your only child and they only one they got. Aye.

I should start blogging more…Its kinda nice. I noticed that everyone else kinda dropped off the scene too. I don’t know life is out there and just don’t got time. I should make time though..since now I be at home more with no car haha.

So that all I think of for now. I had things I wanted to write but I dumb and had forgotten haha. Oh and Fergie so old I need get her off of here! Aye I just don’t even touch my computer anymore….

….until I blog again. I TRY to more…but I lame and don’t.

December 13, 2007@4:24 am

0CMNTS

i think i’m in love.

mmmmmm…..